i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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