What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
