I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
