I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
