Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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