I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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