i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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