she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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