If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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