i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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