You're so nebulous sometimes
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
