Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
