We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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