So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
