spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
