i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
a search helicopter?!
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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