I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Randomize
