Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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