he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
