Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
