so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
