My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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