the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Damn victory sex feels great
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
