Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I did not marry a roomba.
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