My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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