first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Randomize
