I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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