I swear she didn't look like that last week.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
