I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
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