I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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