i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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