Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
