I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
