he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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