you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Randomize
