I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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