If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
