Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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