yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
