Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
