for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
