kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
