PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just forgot I was standing up.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
