$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
