Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
