you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Terrible idea I love it
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
