So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
