i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
