Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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