i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
