I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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