I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
