people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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