Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
